I woke up after about an hour and a half of sleep hoping the previous day was all a bad dream. Realizing it wasn’t was the saddest feeling of all.
As I sit here listening to Megan Fox announce the second performance of U2 in Saturday Night Live, I can’t help but have the question “what if?” plague my mind. What if? … What if he took a few more minutes break? What if I went in there and play for him? What if we didn’t play that last game? What if we kept on doing what we were doing to him? Would he still be here?
In the last few months I have lost a few of my closest friends. And it’s sad to think that as time passes by this will keep on going. But why now? JR is not just some random acquaintance. He was one of my best friends; he was more like a brother to me and to the rest of the High End crew. My life will never be the same.
As I slowly lay back down, laying here staring at the ceiling for the last few hours, all I can think of are all the good times that we’ve had. While tears still cascading down my cheeks I chuckle a little remembering all the good times that we all shared. From SEMA to Long Beach, from his home to our home at High End. I’m going to miss them all. I miss them now.
It’s really hard to bear watching one of your closest friends sit there gasping for air you cannot give and there is absolutely nothing you can do to help him. All you can do is pray for the best and be there for him in his final minutes. You watch and wait for him expecting him to stand up shrug it off and get back in the game because that’s what he does… Nothing. He’s laying on the gurney dragged away to an ambulance still hoping for him to regain consciousness… Silence. We arrived in the hospital anticipating the words “he’s going to be just fine,” Instead what we got is a shake of the head and then you realized what just happened. Took me a while to wrap my mind around the concept and question the realization as I turn around and signal the rest of the guys… We lost JR. Some sat, some turned around and walked away, some stood there doing the same thing I was. Stand there speechless without knowing what to do, what to say, how to react. Tears rolled down my cheeks as if it had it’s own thoughts reacting to the news while my body stood there numb in silence telling my self this only happens on TV and movies. Then reality sets in and all I can do is cry. Stand there and stare at the night sky and cry.
Even now. I thought I was done with the tears, I thought I was strong enough that I can shake it off and mourn in silence, and I cannot. As I lie here typing these words, all I can think of is JR. Mr Avelino Rocha III. Thank you for all the memories for I will keep them and cherish them forever. All the encouragement and appreciation you have given me trough the very short years that we have spent together as family. You have always been there and always give me props on everything I do. You always make me laugh and every time I go to the shop I look for you since it’s always a kick ass time when you are around. All the early morning text messages that wakes me up and later on give you a hard time about and sorry for the late messages I receive and you throwing it back at me telling me I hurt your feelings because I didn’t reply. I hope that even for the few years that we hung out together I affected your life in a positive way because you did to me in more ways than none. I’m going to miss you man. I’m going to miss everything about you. Your backwards hat, you’re sense of humor, your enthusiasm on everything we do as if you’re seeing it for the first time, your incredibly straight hair, your freaky resemblance to Mr Chow Yeung Fat, the way you run up and down the court to drive the ball as if telling people to move or be hurt, your laughter, Mr. Avelino Rocha III, JR… My friend, My brother until the end of time.